Loving Beyond Limits: The Courage to Resist with Grace
Sermon about Luke 6:27-38
“Love your enemies?” Jesus, are you serious? You want me to love them? The people who undercut me at work, who spread lies about me, who post nasty things online? Loving an enemy feels as natural as hugging a cactus.
Much of what Jesus taught pops up in some form or another in most religions. But he broke new ground with this one. Tragically, so much cruelty and violence has been perpetrated and justified in the name of the one who taught us to love our enemies. I saw a poster that said, “I’m pretty sure when he said love your enemy, he didn’t mean kill them.”
Loving enemies isn’t in our DNA.
Maybe for most folks, Jesus’ instruction is too radical to consider. We’ve evolved with the default setting of fight or flight. But Jesus asks us to engage with loving kindness. Where is the override button for the default setting? I’m not sure, but we’re doomed if we don’t find it.
What’s happening to our society is mystifying. There’s so much cruelty. Minor disputes escalate into enmity. Media influencers seduce us into believing that people who disagree with us are not simply misguided or have a different perspective but they are evil and, therefore, enemies.
The strike-back playbook.
Instead of following Jesus, we’re following the infamous Ray Cohn playbook. Cohn was a New York attorney and political influencer who imparted a philosophy of relentless aggression: when attacked, one should counterattack with even greater force. This strategy emphasized never admitting fault, doubling down when challenged, accusing adversaries of allegations directed at oneself, and remembering that winning is everything. The idea is to counterattack at least twice as hard as they hit you.
It’s the opposite of Jesus’ playbook, which is not about dominance and striking back but the opposite. For the life of me I cannot see how people think these two playbooks are compatible. It feels as if the dominance playbook is winning the day.
The alpha male myth.
Lots of people believe that wolf packs were ruled by an ‘alpha male’ who fought his way to dominance. This idea spread shaping everything from leadership seminars to podcasts to self-help books. But guess what? The scientist who proposed this idea, Dr. David Mech, later admitted he was wrong. In reality, wolf packs aren’t ruled by a ‘dominant fighter’—they’re led by parents who guide, protect, and nurture the pack. The entire ‘alpha male’ philosophy is built on a scientific mistake—yet it continues to be glorified. Most of the guys aspiring to appear as big dogs aren’t nothing but trembling chihuahuas. We weren’t created to dominate; we were created to be humane.
Aggression runs rampant.
We see the anti-Jesus aggression playbook philosophy in politicians, interpersonal relationships, rap star feuds, and social media. I’m sick of seeing people celebrate their clever comebacks. Smug satisfaction spreads across their faces when they brag, “So and so did this to me, so I said this back to them. Zing!” This stuff is everywhere. The snark and cruelty we see on Real Housewives shows are compelling TV but a horrible practice for Real American society.
You never see someone on one of those shows say, “This person did something hurtful to me. So I took a moment to step back, breathe, and assess if there was a kernel of truth in their complaint, and I set out to see things from their point of view to see why they attacked me. Are they feeling wounded in some way? Hurt people hurt people. Then I prayed for them and knitted them a sweater.”
Don’t create enemies.
By doing good to those who do you wrong, you eliminate the danger of getting sucked in and becoming what you hate. You can stay positive. When you don’t retaliate in kind, you create an opening for ironing things out and improving things after getting through it.
Maybe Jesus is teaching us not to create any enemies in the first place–don’t let it get that far, don’t let anyone push you off your center. Control your emotions. Understand they may be coming from a bad place, but you don’t have to do the same. I know it’s easier said than done.
What constitutes an enemy?
Enemies is a strong word. I’ll bet not many of you have a long enemies list. I don’t have anyone I’d call an enemy. Some folks annoy, disgust, and irritate me. But enemy? Nah. Except for the jerk who pretends to be me, sending y’all text messages and scamming you for gift cards.
I studied the word Jesus used for an enemy and saw that it isn’t an emotional category. It’s someone who wants to do you harm physically, emotionally, socially, or even financially. Someone who wants to do you harm.
Love is equal regard, but not becoming a doormat.
So, let’s suppose there is someone like that in your life. What would it look like to love them? A couple of weeks ago, we discussed how love is patience, kindness, not being arrogant or rude, and not insisting on your way. It’s the baseline way of what ethicists call equal regard that we should have for all people. There is nothing about love that justifies hitting them back at least twice as hard as they attacked you.
Loving your enemy does not mean staying in harm’s way. It does not mean letting people abuse or manipulate you. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is set a boundary. Jesus didn’t say, ‘Enable your enemy.’ He said, ‘Love them.’ And love sometimes says, “Enough. No more.”
Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to love yourself enough to stand up for yourself.
One of the most misunderstood parts of Jesus’ teaching is the command to “turn the other cheek” (Luke 6:29). This isn’t about being a doormat. In Jesus’ culture, a slap to the right cheek was a backhanded blow—a gesture of humiliation used by someone asserting dominance. Turning the other cheek forces the aggressor to confront your dignity as an equal.
This is not submission; it is subversion. It’s a way of saying, “You may try to degrade me, but I will not degrade myself by responding in kind.”
I once had a situation where I wanted to fire back, to give someone a taste of their medicine. And I had the perfect comeback. It was witty. It was devastating. And then… I stopped. I took a breath. And I asked myself: Do I want to win, or do I want to be whole?
Love seeks the redemption of both the victim and oppressor. By standing firm in our God-given dignity, we create opportunities for transformation.
Principles of nonviolence transform the world.
This nonviolent approach works. It’s the basis of Gandhi’s liberation of India Martin Luther King’s principle for Civil Rights work and dismantled Apartheid in South Africa. It does no good for oppressed people to try to take up arms against superior munitions. The most effective weapon is nonviolent resistance.
Some people dismiss the Jesus playbook as being soft weak. But it takes more guts, strength, courage, and self-control than lashing out.
Do what is yours to do.
A couple weeks ago, I was grousing with some clergy friends about what’s happening in the world. All the “feels” of outrage, disgust, sorrow, and helplessness came out. Rev. Susan Gonzales-Dewey said she keeps thinking, “I can’t solve it all. So I ask, ‘What is mine to do right now?’”
I think what we should do is decide which playbook and value system we should embrace: Cohn’s or Jesus’s. For me, I don’t want to be that guy who never admits fault, who attacks, who escalates, who sees life as a zero-sum win-lose game. I’ve seen what that looks like: desperate, chaotic, lonely. Pathetic.
The world is watching. Our kids are watching. Our enemies are watching. What playbook will we follow? The one of retaliation, or the one of redemption? The one that escalates, or the one that heals? Jesus’ way isn’t easy—but it’s the only way that changes the world. So this week, when the chance comes to hit back, pause. Breathe. Choose a better way. Choose love. Amen.