A sermon about 1 Corinthians 13:1-13: The power of love
Make the wedding scripture the marriage practices.
If you’ve ever heard 1 Corinthians 13 at a wedding, raise your hand. Keep it up if you’ve ever thought, ‘This sounds great… but the author never met my spouse!’”
“Love is patient? Even when you were prepared but running late because they didn’t get their act together in time? Love is kind? Even when they just said something that made it feel like they don’t appreciate anything you do? Love keeps no record of wrongs? Really? Then what’s with that urge to bring up the mental spreadsheet when they tell you they are disappointed about something you did? “O yeah? What about that time. . .”
It’s not easy. We fail, our partners fail. Life happens. We are not always at our best. We don’t always feel lovey-dovey. It’s good to hit the refresh button this Valentine’s week and remind ourselves of our best intentions. I’ve always felt the stuff of 1 Corinthians 13 is meant as reminders for the days we don’t feel lovey-dovey. These words remind us that love isn’t just a feeling–it’s the actions we choose to take despite the negative feelings that naturally arise.
I remember a woman celebrating her 50th anniversary, who advised me to tell any couples I marry that falling in love is easy. You just lose your balance and there you go. It’s wild–exhilerlating. But building a good marriage is not easy. You have to maintain a balance of give and take. It takes work.
Love’s requirements, especially for times you don’t feel like it.
What’s the work? Be kind–especially when you don’t feel like it! Be patient–especially when you don’t feel like it and would rather make accusations. Erase the scorecard–especially when you feel like you are putting in more effort than they are.
A code of conduct not a Valentine’s Card
Although we apply this wisdom to our marriages and partnerships, Paul didn’t intend to compose a Hallmark Valentine’s card. 1 Corinthians 13 is a code of conduct for people in a fractured church.
Imagine the scenario Paul hints at. The rich people who didn’t have to work formed their own little club and woofed down all the communion food before the working stiffs could get there. A couple of cliques thought they were more spiritual than everyone else. We can cut them a bit of slack because they didn’t know how to do church because they were one of the first churches ever–there was no blueprint. So Paul had to intervene and set them straight with a code.
He shakes them by the shoulders when he essentially says, ‘Listen! Without love, you are just a noisy gong or clanging cymbal. Everything you say and do just becomes noise, nails screeching down God’s chalkboard.”
Instructions for the church, not just couples
He’s saying for a church the most important thing is loving each other, through the actions of love. Think of it this way:
- We could amass a 250-member choir that shakes the rafters and gives you goosebumps up and down your spine. But we are noisy gongs or clanging cymbals if we do not have love.
- We could launch a building campaign that turns this church into the Notre Dame Cathedral. But if we don’t express love for each other, the only thing we’ve launched is our fingernails down the chalkboard.
- We could host every social service agency in town in our building. But if we are unkind, impatient, rude, keeping score, and forming groups of insiders and outsiders, we’re just clanging cymbals.
The kindness club
I know a woman who had bad experiences with church because of her sexual orientation. Called an “abomination” and spawn of Satan, disavowed by her family, she moved away from faith. Years later, her wife joined an Open and Affirming church, and reluctantly, she tagged along to some social events. But she experienced a different vibe than she expected. She paid attention to how people treated each other. She kept up on how differences were worked through without hostility and rudeness. She saw all the compassion poured out to people in need.
She started calling her wife’s church “the kindness club.” The kindness club sounds much better than the Holier than Thou Evangelical Church, or the O Be Woeful Baptist Church, or Our Lady of Perpetual Guilt and Shame Congregation.
She’s still unsure about her beliefs, but she’s beginning to sense that what’s she’s experiencing in her church is God because God is love.
Ordo Amoris
The number one attribute of God in the Bible is the Hebrew concept of Hessed or loving-kindness. This love that we talk about isn’t reserved for fellow church folks. Church is the lab where we practice it to extend to all. Of having God’s love flow through us.
After coming home from vacation last night, I was surprised to see love has been in the news this week. People have been talking about concentric circles of love based on the theology of medieval theologian St. Thomas Aquinas. From what I can get out of it, looks like a political agenda wrapping itself in religiosity.
The word I drew out of the basket this year was simplicity. I don’t know about Aquinas and trying out who I don’t have enough love for. I’m sticking with Jesus who said love everybody even your neighbor. Be merciful to people who aren’t from your country just like the good Samaratin.
The greatest is love.
Paul says, “Faith, hope, and love abide. These three. And the greatest of these is love.” The way many churches and Christians behave, you might have thought Paul said, “The most important thing is believing the right things.” He didn’t say your agenda, politics, or inclinations are the most important thing. Nope. Love is primary.
In every situation, we should ask ourselves, what is the most loving thing to do right now? Love doesn’t mean being a doormat. Sometimes, the most loving thing is to say, “No.” Let’s be clear: Paul’s vision of love isn’t about being a doormat. Loving others doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or injustice. Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is set boundaries or hold people accountable. Loving our neighbor as ourselves includes respecting ourselves enough not to let others treat us as less than children of God. Sometimes, the most loving thing is to set boundaries, but it’s never to be unkind, arrogant, or rude.
I find it helpful to see my life’s goal as becoming a more loving person, always asking if I’m doing the things that move me closer to that goal instead of father away. Every action is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” I saw a bumper sticker that said, “I hope something good happens to you today.” Adopting that spirit of loving-kindness is what the world needs now.
Snarkiness doesn’t win. Retaliation doesn’t win. To stand on the side of anything other than love is to stand on the losing side of history. Love wins because God’s love—a love that is patient, kind, and enduring—is the foundation of everything.
Love Lab: Your Assignment
“This week, I challenge you to run three experiments:
- Erase one scorecard. That coworker who drives you nuts? The sibling who forgot your call? Delete the tally.
- Listen once instead of fixing. Next time someone vents, say, ‘Tell me more,’ instead of, ‘Here’s what you should do.’
- Love ‘the enemy.’ Send a prayer—or a coffee—to someone you’d rather ignore.
Why? Because love wins when we labor for it. Not when we wait to feel it.”
As we leave here today, let’s not just admire the idea of love.
Let’s be love.
Let’s be the love we want to see in our homes.
Let’s be the love we want to see in our friendships.
Let’s be the love we want to see in our world.